There are a lot of misconceptions out there about what really gets us motivated to take action and have the sustainable change that we want in our lives and business. There has been a huge theme amongst my clients this month about coming from a “push” energy vs. being “pulled” to do something (What I call “Pull Energy”). One of my clients came to a call this week completely deflated because earlier that morning, he had had a call with a trusted mentor who got all “up in his stuff”, told him he wasn’t doing enough and needed to just “f@#$*ing execute” (Yes, his mentor in fact dropped the f-bomb 5 times during their 15 minute call – he counted). Needless to say, my client lost complete motivation to execute and actually felt a lot of guilt and shame and was beating himself up. He actually told me “I need to do this because I don’t want to disappoint my mentor.” In other words, he was willing to push himself, not because HE desired to, but because he didn’t want to let his mentor down. Truth be told, I know my client has all the tools and information he needed to execute, but he wasn’t executing because his resistance was significantly higher than his desire. Having his mentor yell at him and make him feel ashamed, may have lowered his resistance and heightened his desire temporarily but where he was energetically coming from (guilt and shame) would not produce the same results, and certainly not the sustainable results he wanted, if he had come from a “pull” energy place. Pull energy is manifested when we are so connected to how important something is, that it pulls us to do it, as if a tether where attached to our heart and were pulling us towards our vision and desire. When we act from Pull energy, we are in our flow, we become irresistible to our Divine Ideal Client (or Partner or Friend) because we are so on fire. (Cue Alicia Keys “Girl on Fire” which happens to be my current theme song).
Fear, shame and guilt CAN be short term motivators. They can sometimes sustain you long enough to make some traction, but any change that comes from those emotions does not evoke long term results and studies show this. This is why, for example, when people go on a diet and come from fear/shame/guilt/self-loathing, they can have initial amazing results, but will usually gain back the weight (and then some) relatively quickly. Occasionally, results can shift us from a push energy to a pull energy but often this approach backfires. Unfortunately many of us (including some mentors and coaches out there) don’t fully understand this phenomenon and consistently make lists of things we “need”, “should” or “ought” to be doing because we think it would be good for us – or we listen to what other people tell us we “should” do even when it isn’t truly resonant with us. How many of you have things on your list of “to do’s” that have been there for more than a few weeks? How about months? Years?
So – how do we connect in to “pull” energy? First of all, it’s understanding it. When I did Change Management work back in my corporate days, I used a simple formula:
(Desire x 10) > Resistance = Change
In other words, for the average person’s Desire needs to be 10x that of Resistance in order to change. So if you want to be pulled to do something, you need to amp up your Desire. And when you do, your resistance usually melts away all on it’s own. Here are some ways to amp up your Desire:
- Get crystal clear about what you Desire and crystallize your vision of it. A good way to do that initially is by downloading my free gift on my website – www.broadviewcoaching.com and listening to the visualization and doing the Compelling Purpose Workbook. Easy Peasy – and it’s free.
- Re-listening to the compelling purpose visualization whenever you need a boost of pull energy also gets you re-connected to your desire incredibly quickly.
- Create a Vision Board of what you really desire and put it somewhere where you are looking at it all the time. (Mine is on the mantel opposite my bed. It is the first thing I see each morning, and last thing I see each night).
- Meditate or Journal using the inquiry “What do I really desire” or “what do I long for”
- Talk to other people about what you desire and long for EVERY day. Don’t keep it a secret.
- Remind yourself of how much better and different your life will be when you make this change. You might want to journal or meditate on this, as well.
- If you hear yourself saying “I need to” or “I have to” or “I should” – replace it with “desire” and see if it still feels resonant. If it doesn’t, ask yourself what would make it resonant? (For example, I do this with exercise. “I should go to the gym. Do I desire to go to the gym? Not really. Hmmmm….what would make this a desire? Remembering how good I feel every time I walk out of there and the feeling of satisfaction and how embodied I feel”).
- Hire a coach – and one that doesn’t only help you get clear about what you want and has tools to get you there, but also can help you tap into your desire and this pull energy quickly and effortlessly. And if your coach ever makes you feel judged or wrong, trust that they are not the coach for you. Your coach should evoke pull energy and inspire you into action. (By the way, did you know you are 90% more likely to do something if you tell your coach you are going to do it? Yep, that is why I love this work!).
There are hundreds, if not thousands, of other ways to connect into your big “Why” and help tether that heart of yours and get pulled towards your dream. I would love to hear what helps you get inspired and into your “pull energy” place. I’m looking forward to hearing from you!